One day at a time...
That's how it starts, and that's how you end up. My oldest daughter has an addiction to heroin. Its been at least 6 years...she will be 21 in September. It was the 4th of July, just before her 16th birthday when she told us she needed help. Up to that point, we knew something was wrong, but HOW wrong?! Something that was just a phase, experimental, rebellious, or an actual problem? At 16, it can be hard to tell. It all started when she got caught smoking (cigarettes) in the girls restroom when she was 14. On a gut feeling I went through her bedroom and found pills. We sat her down and found out the pills were ecstasy, she had been sneaking out a few nights a week going to raves. After that, the sneaking out got more frequent, and the smoking and ecstasy turned into pot and (meth which I had no idea about until later). Cops were bringing her home for being out after curfew, and she got picked up for petty theft a few times. I pulled her out of school and placed her on independent study. I also put her in counseling, this after countless attempts of discipline. Where's that "parenting manual" when you need it? Counseling was not helping, independent study just made my daughter push harder against us, things were not improving. Everyone had their opinion, and up until a very short time ago, everyone still did. Everyone and their mother or brother thinks they know best, or thinks they know exactly how to handle a situation until it is happening to them. Worst of all this wasn't just a case of bad behavior. This was the beginning of an addict.
Let me just put this little disclaimer out before I even continue: There's no parenting manual, and as parents we all make mistakes. As a parent you know what is best for your child, your love, your support, that's it. You take into consideration everything possible, but at the end of the day, you do what you feel is best for your children.
Going forward, everyone seemed to know better than me how to deal with my daughter. I listened to everyone and tried everything. When my younger daughter went to her pageant my oldest came with us. I had never seen a heroin addiction first hand and at that point hadn't been in close quarters with my oldest daughter in quite some time. (She'd been sneaking out, and withdrawn for months). Hindsight is 20/20. I knew during that pageant trip that something was very wrong. My oldest daughter did nothing but sleep, even during the pageant, and barely ate. About a month later, on the 4th of July, she told my husband and I that she had an addiction to heroin and needed real help. That's when the fight began.....the fight to get clean.
-G
Come back for part 2, there's a lot more to my story.
This has been 6 years of love and heartbreak and I'm finally ready to share my experience. I know there are so many out there going through the same thing. This is not advice, this is just my story. If it helps just 1 person, my work here is done! :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Monday, November 26, 2012
National American Miss Pageant
At the end of June my daughter competed in the National American Miss pageant for the title of Miss Jr. Pre Teen California South. This was our first pageant. This was something she had been wanting to do for a very long time. What drew me in to NAM, was the fact that they are all about confidence, girls being girls - natural, age appropriate, and there isn't a bathing suit category. We received an invitation in the mail...must have been around March, or maybe April, stating that we had been referred to NAM by a family member or friend. Awesome! We were excited.
Ok, so, here is where I am going to share with you a few things we did to prepare for this pageant, as well as a few things I learned along the way. Things I would say are very good tips to keep in mind if you plan on competing.
The first thing we shopped for was the gown. In my mind, I figured this was the most important outfit, and made it a priority. WRONG. That Interview/Introduction outfit proved to be the hardest thing to shop for. I was still piecing it together days before the pageant. I would say if you are a teen, this outfit might not be so hard to shop for. However, if you are 6, 7, 8 or 9 years old and are looking for a business type suit that isn't going to break your bank...good luck! Pageant season is in the summer, if I had shopped for this when spring fashion was still on the racks, I might not have had such an issue. MY BAD! The gown was very easy to come by. With wedding season, quinceaneras, etc. we were able to find a woman to custom sew a gown for my daughter at the tune of $40. THAT'S RIGHT! It fit her like a glove and it was everything she wanted (which is all that matters).
Once we got pretty close to the pageant I started making her practice "pretty feet" they showed her at the call back. Walking, speaking in complete sentences, and her intro (name, hometown, ambition). Here comes a huge tip: Listen, there were 65 girls competing in my daughters age group. SIXTY FIVE. These judges have ONE WEEKEND to get to know your daughter and for her to make an impression on them. How is one little girl going to stand out from 65 other little girls? They were all so darn adorable. I know, I sat in the audience and watched them rehearse, and perform all weekend long. I can tell you something, only a handful really stuck out to me, and I'm going to be honest with you my daughter probably didn't stick out to anyone other than me. Sadly. Here is why; they ask for name, hometown, and ambition - well, a lot of these girls really spiced it up. You have 30 seconds to say your piece and there were several girls who really made it their own. My daughter, literally, just gave her name, hometown, and ambition. End of it. Nothing special, and not memorable at all. You have 30 seconds to say who you are, where you're from and what you want to do. You really need to make this personal or you will not and I repeat, you will NOT stand out at all. You will be another face in the crowd on that stage. 'Hi, my name is so and so. I am from such and such, when I grow up I want to blah, blah, blah. In my free time I like to swat flies, pig out on ice cream and slap my brother around. That's me, miss so and so - slap a brother from such and such'!! -Make sense?!!
So here we go to pageant weekend. Pageant weekend was really fun, exciting, fast paced, fun (did I mention that) and exhausting! Moms, I drank 5 cups of coffee that first day of pageant weekend! YES, I did! Judge me. Luckily I stayed away from Starbucks and made my own coffee. PS we did get a room near the event. I opted not to get a room at the hotel that the pageant was being held, and I am glad I didn't. That hotel was a zoo. Also that hotel didn't have kitchenettes in the room, and my family would've been eating out all weekend (not ok). I went to the local grocery store and purchased healthy food for us to eat in our room all weekend. It worked out great.
Once things really got going, it was a blast. My daughter made so many friends. The other pageant Mom's were super friendly and really had my back. At one point I was a space cadet (my daughter was supposed to be lined up in a certain area, I was sitting totally spaced out) another Mom came and gave me the heads up. Really cool. My daughter is the worst at following directions and listening, however the way NAM is set up, they really worked well with her so that she knew what was up at all times and nothing was too confusing. It was a great experience.
The final show was really amazing. You get to know the parents and other children during the weekend and it's just beautiful to see the final product at the end of the weekend. Here comes more important information, and things other people just don't clue you in on.... We did what was required of us for the pageant. We turned in thank you notes, the resume, art project, donations, and did each of the 3 categories (intro, beauty, interview - I will talk about interview in a bit). That is all we did. Keep in mind this was our FIRST pageant ever. There are other "optional" contests for National American Miss. Talent, Modeling, Photogenic, Casual Wear, Actress, Cover Girl. We did none of that. I wasn't sure which area my daughter would accel in, I wasn't sure what to expect in those areas, those were "optional" contests, nobody really pushed the importance of getting involved. Honestly I was just going in blind. Need I remind you, there were SIXTY FIVE girls in the competition. The more involved you are, the more you compete, the more you stand out. It's as simple as that. It's very, very, VERY important to involve yourself in one or MORE of the optional competitions. If you do not involve yourself in any of the optional contests, you will just be another face in the crowd. National American Miss gave out 20-30 minutes of awards and trophies, there were TONS of opportunities to win, win, WIN. You simply have to compete, involve yourself, work hard, stand out, make yourself known. 'Who are you? Oh, you're so and so, you entered 2 pictures for photogenic, you competed in casual wear and talent, you had a really cute catchy intro (about slapping your brother) that made everyone chuckle, and you did pretty well selling advertisements...I remember you'! MAKE SENSE??!!
The interview. My daughter is 8. I didn't ask her what the judges asked her. She did tell me a few of the questions
What's your favorite animal?
Why do you want to win the title Jr Pre Teen?
Have you made any new friends?
Here is how my daughter answered:
Whats your favorite animal? cats *Fail She needed a complete sentence, HELLO. I didn't give her crap even though we practiced. We laughed about it.
Why do you want to win the title Jr Pre Teen? I would like to be somebody others look up to.
* This was a question they gave us in the sample book to practice with and it was a stumper. I helped her with this one so she was well prepared for this question. SCORE!
Have you made any new friends? No, just 1. *Fail lol My daughter is very "in the box". Even though she was hanging with several different girls, chattering away and having a blast, in her mind she could only remember the name of one girl, therefore she only had made one true friend. I know how my daughters mind works. I think they really want to hear how much the girls are having fun, getting along, and making new friends. I could be wrong. Although, I'm pretty sure they appreciate a positive attitude.
Here are a list of items I would say are a must pageant weekend:
-snacks - the schedule of events is so weird, snacks are a must to have on hand in your bag for on the go.
-hair spray, hair pins, etc - there are so many costume changes, anything needed to keep the hair in place is a MUST.
-double sided tape - I found this to be a help with wardrobe malfunctions
-bandaides - blisters and boo boos nuff said
-chapstick - nervous nellies get dry lips
-extra nylons - if your daughter is using nylons for any outfit, an extra pair is a must!
-A warm sweater - it was a freezer box in all rehearsals!!!
If I can think of anything else or if anyone reading this has any questions I will leave a comment or answer questons in comment boxes. ;)
This was our experience. We learned a lot! If we get invited back next year, we will definitely do things differently. I hope this helps anyone that is considering National American Miss. Work hard, get involved, make it personal!
-G
Update June 2016: We have not gone back to NAM. Although we have been invited. My daughter did not have an interest beyond that one year. I hope that this post has helped a few people out there! Good Luck!
*This Blog post was originally posted June, 2012*
Ok, so, here is where I am going to share with you a few things we did to prepare for this pageant, as well as a few things I learned along the way. Things I would say are very good tips to keep in mind if you plan on competing.
The first thing we shopped for was the gown. In my mind, I figured this was the most important outfit, and made it a priority. WRONG. That Interview/Introduction outfit proved to be the hardest thing to shop for. I was still piecing it together days before the pageant. I would say if you are a teen, this outfit might not be so hard to shop for. However, if you are 6, 7, 8 or 9 years old and are looking for a business type suit that isn't going to break your bank...good luck! Pageant season is in the summer, if I had shopped for this when spring fashion was still on the racks, I might not have had such an issue. MY BAD! The gown was very easy to come by. With wedding season, quinceaneras, etc. we were able to find a woman to custom sew a gown for my daughter at the tune of $40. THAT'S RIGHT! It fit her like a glove and it was everything she wanted (which is all that matters).
Once we got pretty close to the pageant I started making her practice "pretty feet" they showed her at the call back. Walking, speaking in complete sentences, and her intro (name, hometown, ambition). Here comes a huge tip: Listen, there were 65 girls competing in my daughters age group. SIXTY FIVE. These judges have ONE WEEKEND to get to know your daughter and for her to make an impression on them. How is one little girl going to stand out from 65 other little girls? They were all so darn adorable. I know, I sat in the audience and watched them rehearse, and perform all weekend long. I can tell you something, only a handful really stuck out to me, and I'm going to be honest with you my daughter probably didn't stick out to anyone other than me. Sadly. Here is why; they ask for name, hometown, and ambition - well, a lot of these girls really spiced it up. You have 30 seconds to say your piece and there were several girls who really made it their own. My daughter, literally, just gave her name, hometown, and ambition. End of it. Nothing special, and not memorable at all. You have 30 seconds to say who you are, where you're from and what you want to do. You really need to make this personal or you will not and I repeat, you will NOT stand out at all. You will be another face in the crowd on that stage. 'Hi, my name is so and so. I am from such and such, when I grow up I want to blah, blah, blah. In my free time I like to swat flies, pig out on ice cream and slap my brother around. That's me, miss so and so - slap a brother from such and such'!! -Make sense?!!
So here we go to pageant weekend. Pageant weekend was really fun, exciting, fast paced, fun (did I mention that) and exhausting! Moms, I drank 5 cups of coffee that first day of pageant weekend! YES, I did! Judge me. Luckily I stayed away from Starbucks and made my own coffee. PS we did get a room near the event. I opted not to get a room at the hotel that the pageant was being held, and I am glad I didn't. That hotel was a zoo. Also that hotel didn't have kitchenettes in the room, and my family would've been eating out all weekend (not ok). I went to the local grocery store and purchased healthy food for us to eat in our room all weekend. It worked out great.
Once things really got going, it was a blast. My daughter made so many friends. The other pageant Mom's were super friendly and really had my back. At one point I was a space cadet (my daughter was supposed to be lined up in a certain area, I was sitting totally spaced out) another Mom came and gave me the heads up. Really cool. My daughter is the worst at following directions and listening, however the way NAM is set up, they really worked well with her so that she knew what was up at all times and nothing was too confusing. It was a great experience.
The final show was really amazing. You get to know the parents and other children during the weekend and it's just beautiful to see the final product at the end of the weekend. Here comes more important information, and things other people just don't clue you in on.... We did what was required of us for the pageant. We turned in thank you notes, the resume, art project, donations, and did each of the 3 categories (intro, beauty, interview - I will talk about interview in a bit). That is all we did. Keep in mind this was our FIRST pageant ever. There are other "optional" contests for National American Miss. Talent, Modeling, Photogenic, Casual Wear, Actress, Cover Girl. We did none of that. I wasn't sure which area my daughter would accel in, I wasn't sure what to expect in those areas, those were "optional" contests, nobody really pushed the importance of getting involved. Honestly I was just going in blind. Need I remind you, there were SIXTY FIVE girls in the competition. The more involved you are, the more you compete, the more you stand out. It's as simple as that. It's very, very, VERY important to involve yourself in one or MORE of the optional competitions. If you do not involve yourself in any of the optional contests, you will just be another face in the crowd. National American Miss gave out 20-30 minutes of awards and trophies, there were TONS of opportunities to win, win, WIN. You simply have to compete, involve yourself, work hard, stand out, make yourself known. 'Who are you? Oh, you're so and so, you entered 2 pictures for photogenic, you competed in casual wear and talent, you had a really cute catchy intro (about slapping your brother) that made everyone chuckle, and you did pretty well selling advertisements...I remember you'! MAKE SENSE??!!
The interview. My daughter is 8. I didn't ask her what the judges asked her. She did tell me a few of the questions
What's your favorite animal?
Why do you want to win the title Jr Pre Teen?
Have you made any new friends?
Here is how my daughter answered:
Whats your favorite animal? cats *Fail She needed a complete sentence, HELLO. I didn't give her crap even though we practiced. We laughed about it.
Why do you want to win the title Jr Pre Teen? I would like to be somebody others look up to.
* This was a question they gave us in the sample book to practice with and it was a stumper. I helped her with this one so she was well prepared for this question. SCORE!
Have you made any new friends? No, just 1. *Fail lol My daughter is very "in the box". Even though she was hanging with several different girls, chattering away and having a blast, in her mind she could only remember the name of one girl, therefore she only had made one true friend. I know how my daughters mind works. I think they really want to hear how much the girls are having fun, getting along, and making new friends. I could be wrong. Although, I'm pretty sure they appreciate a positive attitude.
Here are a list of items I would say are a must pageant weekend:
-snacks - the schedule of events is so weird, snacks are a must to have on hand in your bag for on the go.
-hair spray, hair pins, etc - there are so many costume changes, anything needed to keep the hair in place is a MUST.
-double sided tape - I found this to be a help with wardrobe malfunctions
-bandaides - blisters and boo boos nuff said
-chapstick - nervous nellies get dry lips
-extra nylons - if your daughter is using nylons for any outfit, an extra pair is a must!
-A warm sweater - it was a freezer box in all rehearsals!!!
If I can think of anything else or if anyone reading this has any questions I will leave a comment or answer questons in comment boxes. ;)
This was our experience. We learned a lot! If we get invited back next year, we will definitely do things differently. I hope this helps anyone that is considering National American Miss. Work hard, get involved, make it personal!
-G
Update June 2016: We have not gone back to NAM. Although we have been invited. My daughter did not have an interest beyond that one year. I hope that this post has helped a few people out there! Good Luck!
*This Blog post was originally posted June, 2012*
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